The Glory Of The Teenage Rock & Roll Band

When you listen to music are you just a passive bystander, or do you hear things regular people don't hear or even care to listen for? Do you think about the person who made the music? What are they like? How did they make these songs? Don't you wish you were them? Do you think you might have talent? Are you an extrovert? If you answered yes to all of the above, than you probably already started a band or had a band when you were in your teens or early twenties. This was mine.

You might play an instrument or you might not (I never bothered to, myself. That didn't deter me; I became a "vocalist"). You have friends that play instruments, but probably not enough guys to start a band. You're missing someone. Usually it's a drummer since they need a whole kit. There's fewer of them around. Long story short, you'll form a band with at least one guy you wouldn't usually hang out with. There will be friction.

There's a certain fellowship you'll always share with the group of guys with whom you got on a stage to play music with. Up there, it's like you might be about to be in a fight. The crowd could turn on you. If they don't know who you are when you get up there, if you have no history yet, that's actually pretty likely. Everyone's a critic and they feel it's incumbent upon them to malign your band. You might be opening for a band they do already know and like, that they came to see. You might just be filler to them, and an audience that doesn't know what you're about is inclined to dislike you. You will experience this. It is inevitable. You're going to bomb and have bad gigs.

But if you catch them right and they get into what you're doing, if you can get out of your own head and be an entertainer, you're in for a good time. Such a good time, in fact, that there's not nothing else like it. You're a Hero and a God, you're doing what everyone wants to do in their heart of hearts. Girls will be into you, and if you say that's not what you were hoping for, you're lying.

Most people wonder why their favorite bands break up, and when they do break up, they want them to get back together. If you've ever been in a band you know exactly why they break up, and once broken up, you more than likely never want to get back together. Sure, you had fun. If you kept your expectations small you were very successful and pleasantly surprised with ever victory. Made a little money, had a following, played some prestigious gigs, got on some compilation CD, put something out on your own. got on the radio. Maybe had some T-shirts that people wore proudly. Made out with pretty girls. that's the best part. But keeping a band together is like keeping a bunch of kittens in a shoebox. Somebody will wander off, somebody will have a scuffle. And it's over, and you go on to wherever you were going to go. Maybe you stick with that pretty girl that was out of your league before you were in a band, shift your attention allthaway thattaway for awhile. Maybe you're ambitious and start another band with guys you hate less than the last bunch. Maybe you never really cared that much about being in a band and you'd just as soon go fishing. Maybe you weren't that great and were the band's weak link, if that's the case than you'll spend the rest of your days remembering how you were once in a band.



Were you in a band? Than That Thing You Do! is a movie for you.

Whenever I start thinking about dissing Tom Hanks, the "serious actor" who forced Forrest Gump on me, I remember that I love him and always will. Because he wrote, directed, and starred in this little movie. Deep down, we're the same kind of guy, Tom and me. We both think that a good 3 minute Rock'n'Roll song can be magical. In fact, we're both pretty obsessive about it.



It's not a true story, but it could've been. It was the mid 60s, after The Beatles changed the rules on Ed Sullivan and before they did it again with Sgt. Pepper. The Wonders were some guys from Eerie, PA who somehow managed to make an iron clad pitch perfect pop song that the right people heard at the right time, so they got a shot to make the big time. Then the bigger time, than the really big time. Then they implode. The one hit Wonders.

That could be a great movie or a terrible movie or anywhere in between, but what makes the difference here is the attention to detail and the strength of the music. Record geeks will catch nods all over the place and the songs sound like they could've been, and would've been, hits of the era.

You don't have to be a Rock'n'Roll freak to get into That Thing You Do!...but it will make all the difference between liking it or loving it. to a regular person, it's just a fun movie. To a record geek, it's an instant classic.

That's especially the case with the new Special Edition, which restores about 40 minutes of footage to the movie. In here, you see the band practicing and interacting with the rest of the Playtone Galaxy of Stars a bit more. If you're a fan already, you'll eat this up. If not, maybe not. You know who you are.

The gift to the world that is ARNOLD

His name is in the news for scandalous reasons, but it's all just a handy excuse to enjoy these clips. There is only one Arnold, and the laughs are too many to count. Here's a few of my favorites. Remember the good times and know there will be more to come.

Heather Morris

I once already presented an ode to Britney S. Pierce, and this month Esquire caught up with me. Dig this:
Heather Morris Will Now Demonstrate How to Dance
She's killing it in that Mod bathing suit/leotard thing, and all you can do is watch it happen. She'll be a mega-star in the next few years. Or else! More here.

And while you're here, here's more of Raphael Saadiq's Motownesque new single. He'll get his own entry at The Snake one day.

The Strange, Sad Case Of Evelyn McHale

Mayday- that's May 1st- is a strange date. It was on that day that Hitler's suicide was announced to the world, the day Bush declared "Mission Accomplished" in Iraq from an aircraft carrier, and of course, last week the death of Osama Bin Laden.

But in 1947, it was the day a beautiful woman named Evelyn McHale chose to dramatically end her life. From Life magazine:

On May Day, just after leaving her fiancé, 23-year-old Evelyn McHale wrote a note. 'He is much better off without me ... I wouldn't make a good wife for anybody,' ... Then she crossed it out. She went to the observation platform of the Empire State Building. Through the mist she gazed at the street, 86 floors below. Then she jumped. In her desperate determination she leaped clear of the setbacks and hit a United Nations limousine parked at the curb. Across the street photography student Robert Wiles heard an explosive crash. Just four minutes after Evelyn McHale's death Wiles got this picture of death's violence and its composure.

Conventional wisdom tells us that the human form would explode under such circumstance. That car is demolished, and cars back then were made of very firm, unforgiving metal. If not for the way she apparently busted through her stockings, it would seem that she had climbed into the steel carnage left by a wrecking ball, and went to sleep. Just a cat nap.

All because she didn't think anyone could love her. When you see this, how could you not? Your heart aches a bit for Evelyn McHale.

Did The Rock Kill Osama Bin Laden?

So somehow, The People's Champ knew before anyone else about Bin Laden. I'm going to imagine that he's just being modest with the "little bird told me" act and assume he did it himself. If only so that I can imagine the following:

The Rock: Osama Bin Laden...Do you have any...last words?

Bin Laden: Death to Amer-

The Rock: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR LAST WORDS ARE!!!

Followed by a fatal chair shot.


Thanks to everyone from Obama down to whoever the lucky SEAL was who pulled the trigger (or, you know, The Rock) for the obvious, but also for the excuse to post this image. That looks like a Steranko/Kirby R rated fever dream, but it's actually the work of Frank Cho. Cho usually does foxy jungle girl art as well as other "good girl art" that makes you feel like a pervert for digging it (NSFW, for example). Maybe, unlike me, you're not the patriotic type. Just for today, click this image, blow it up big, and just take in all that American jingoism.


I generally avoid partisan politics, but the above is too great not to post.

Things just aren't what they never were...

X-Men: First Class is this summer's dark horse contender of comic book superhero movies. The more promising and ambitious Thor and Captain America are getting more attention (they have the best viral marketing campaign ever), and the X franchise should be out of gas at this point after a couple of dodgey installments. So why am I talking about First Class, which admittedly isn't likely to measure up? Simple. I dig the period.


I think any concept works best when set at the time of it's invention. When they get around to a Nick fury movie, I'm going to need it to be set in his hayday.

X-Men: First Class Title Sequence from Joe D! on Vimeo.

However, it's not likely to live up. I see myself sitting in the theater wishing that was the opening, but it certainly won't be.

As great as it is to have all these quality comic book based movies, nothing would've beaten having them been made years ago. A guy named Sean Hartter had the same idea. At least can dream!